Hell: As explained by a Chemist

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.

The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

===========

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct..... .leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+

29 Funny Lines to Make You SMILE

1.... My husband and I divorced over religious differences.. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2.... I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.... Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4.... I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5.... Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

6.... You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
7.... Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8.... Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
9.... I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
10...Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

11... NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
12... God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13... The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14... Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
15... Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

16... Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
17... Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
18... Procrastinate Now!

19... I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
20... A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21... A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance..

22... Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23... They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
24... He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.

25... A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

26.. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
27.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

28.. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
29 .. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

90/10 Principle

Discover the 90/10 Principle.

It will change your life (at least the way you react to situations).
What is this principle?

10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by how you react.

What does this mean?
We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us.
We cannot stop the car from breaking down. The plane will be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic.
We have no control over this 10%. The other 90% is different. You determine the other 90%.

How? ……….By your reaction.
You cannot control a red light. but you can control your reaction. Don't let people fool you; YOU can control how you react.
Let's use an example.
You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just happened.
What happens next will be determined by how you react.
You curse.
You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus.
Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit.
After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home.
When you arrive home, you find small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter.
Why? …. Because of how you reacted in the morning.

Why did you have a bad day?
A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?

The answer is “D".
You had no control over what happened with the coffee. How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day.

Here is what could have and should have happened.
Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say, "Its ok honey, you just need to be more careful next time". Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good the day you are having.
Notice the difference?
Two different scenarios. Both started the same. Both ended different.
Why?
Because of how you REACTED.
You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% was determined by your reaction.
Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 principle. If someone says something negative about you, don't be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You don't have to let the negative comment affect you!
React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out etc.
How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic? Do you lose your temper? Pound on the steering wheel? A friend of mine had the steering wheel fall off) Do you curse? Does your blood pressure skyrocket? Do you try and bump them?
WHO CARES if you arrive ten seconds later at work? Why let the cars ruin your drive?
Remember the 90/10 principle, and do not worry about it.
You are told you lost your job.
Why lose sleep and get irritated? It will work out. Use your worrying energy and time into finding another job.
The plane is late; it is going to mangle your schedule for the day. Why take outpour frustration on the flight attendant? She has no control over what is going on.
Use your time to study, get to know the other passenger. Why get stressed out? It will just make things worse.
Now you know the 90-10 principle. Apply it and you will be amazed at the results. You will lose nothing if you try it. The 90-10 principle is incredible. Very few know and apply this principle.
The result?
Millions of people are suffering from undeserved stress, trials, problems and heartache. We all must understand and apply the 90/10 principle.
It CAN change your life!!!
Enjoy….

Author: Stephen Covey

Bob Ong's Philosophy on Love

Bob Ong’s Philosophy on Love

1. ‘Kung hindi mo mahal ang isang tao, wag ka nang magpakita ng motibo
para mahalin ka nya.’

2. ‘Huwag mong bitawan ang bagay na hindi mo kayang makitang hawak ng
iba.’

3. ‘Huwag mong hawakan kung alam mong bibitawan mo lang.’

4. ‘Huwag na huwag ka hahawak kapag alam mong may hawak ka na.’

5. ‘Parang elevator lang yan eh, bakit mo pagsisiksikan yung sarili mo
kung walang pwesto para sa iyo. Eh meron naman hagdan, ayaw mo lang
pansinin.’

6. ‘Kung maghihintay ka nang lalandi sa iyo, walang mangyayari sa buhay
mo. Dapat lumandi ka din.’

7. ‘Pag may mahal ka at ayaw sayo, hayaan mo. Malay mo sa mga susunod na
araw ayaw mo na din sa kanya, naunahan ka lang…’

8. ‘Hiwalayan na kung di ka na masaya. Walang gamot sa tanga kundi
pagkukusa.’

9. ‘Pag hindi ka mahal ng mahal mo wag ka magreklamo. Kasi may mga tao
rin na di mo mahal pero mahal ka.. Kaya quits lang.’

10. ‘Kung dalawa ang mahal mo, piliin mo yung pangalawa. Kasi hindi ka
naman magmamahal ng iba kung mahal mo talaga yung una.’

11. ‘Hindi porke’t madalas mong ka-chat, kausap sa telepono, kasama sa
mga lakad o ka-text ng wantusawa eh may gusto sayo at magkakatuluyan
kayo. Meron lang talagang mga taong sadyang friendly, sweet, flirt,
malandi, pa-fall o paasa.’

12. ‘Huwag magmadali sa babae o lalaki. Tatlo, lima, sampung taon,
mag-iiba ang pamantayan mo at maiisip mong hindi pala tamang pumili ng
kapareha dahil lang maganda o nakakalibog ito. Totoong mas mahalaga ang
kalooban ng tao higit sa anuman. Sa paglipas ng panahon, maging ang mga
crush ng bayan nagmumukha ding pandesal, maniwala ka.’

13. ‘Minsan kahit ikaw ang nakaschedule, kailangan mo pa rin maghintay,
kasi hindi ikaw ang priority.’

14. ‘Mahirap pumapel sa buhay ng tao. Lalo na kung hindi ikaw yung bida
sa script na pinili nya.’

15. ‘Alam mo ba kung gaano kalayo ang pagitan ng dalawang tao pag
nagtalikuran na sila? Kailangan mong libutin ang buong mundo para lang
makaharap ulit ang taong tinalikuran mo.’

16. “Mas mabuting mabigo sa paggawa ng isang bagay kesa magtagumpay sa
paggawa ng wala”

17. “Hindi lahat ng kaya mong intindihin ay katotohan, at hindi lahat ng
hindi mo kayang intindihin ay kasinungalingan”

18. ‘Kung nagmahal ka ng taong di dapat at nasaktan ka, wag mong sisihin
ang puso mo. Tumitibok lang yan para mag-supply ng dugo sa katawan mo.
Ngayon, kung magaling ka sa anatomy at ang sisisihin mo naman ay ang
hypothalamus mo na kumokontrol ng emotions mo, mali ka pa rin! Bakit?
Utang na loob! Wag mong isisi sa body organs mo ang mga sama ng loob mo
sa buhay! Tandaan mo: magiging masaya ka lang kung matututo kang
tanggapin na hindi ang puso, utak, atay o bituka mo ang may kasalanan sa
lahat ng nangyari sayo, kundi IKAW mismo!’

19. ‘Ang pag-ibig parang imburnal…. nakakatakot mahulog…at kapag
nahulog ka, it’s either by accident or talagang tanga ka..’

Play A Prank: Find Out Secret Crushes!

Got this email from colleague. It's a link to a site where you can enter your crushes' names and SUPPOSEDLY works like one of those online love calculators. Turns out, it actually SENDS the names of these crushes back to the email sender! Haha, nice prank!

Check it out here: http://www.vinayakworld.org/lovecalculator/index.asp?c=384974

What Women REALLY Mean

A must-read for any clueless guy out there! Memorize these 9 phrases and what they really mean when girls say them. These could save your life!

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This isn’t actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’ … that will bring on a ‘whatever’).

(8) Whatever: Is a women’s way of saying ____ YOU!

(9) Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to # 3.

Disorder in the Court (Part 1)

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
____________ _________ _________ ____

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________ _________ _________ ____

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
forgot?
____________ _________ _________ _______

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
____________ _________ _________ _______

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
morning?
WITNESS: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
____________ _________ _________ _______

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________ _________ _________ _____

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one year old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he’s twenty-one.
____________ _________ _________ __________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh….
____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you
go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!
____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law