The Amazing Cucumber

This information was in The New York Times several weeks ago as part
of their "Spotlight on the Home" series that  highlighted creative and
fanciful ways to solve common problems.

1. Cucumbers contain most of the vitamins you need every day, just one
cucumber contains Vitamin B1, Vitamin B2, Vitamin B3, Vitamin B5,
Vitamin B6, Folic Acid, Vitamin C, Calcium, Iron, Magnesium, Phosphorus, Potassium and Zinc.

2. Feeling tired in the afternoon?
Put down the caffeinated soda and  pick up a cucumber.  Cucumbers are a good source of B Vitamins and Carbohydrates that can provide that quick pick-me-up that can last for hours.

3. Tired of your bathroom mirror fogging up after shower? 
Try rubbing a cucumber slice along the mirror, it will eliminate the fog and provide a soothing, spa-like fragrance.

4. Are grubs and slugs ruining your planting beds? 
Place a few slices  in a small pie tin and your garden will be free of pest all season long.  The chemicals in the cucumber react with the aluminum to give off a scent undetectable to humans but drive garden pests crazy and make  them flee the area.

5. Looking for a fast and easy way to remove cellulite before going  out or to the pool? 
Try rubbing a slice or two of cucumbers along your problem area for a few minutes, the phytochemicals in the cucumber cause  the collagen in your skin to tighten, firming up the outer layer and  reducing the visibility of cellulite.  Works great on wrinkles too!

6. Want to avoid a hangover or terrible headache?
Eat a few cucumber slices before going to bed and wake up refreshed and headache free. Cucumbers contain enough sugar, B vitamins and electrolytes to replenish essential nutrients the body lost, keeping everything equilibrium,  avoiding both a hangover and headache!

7. Looking to fight off that afternoon or evening snacking binge? 
Cucumbers have been used for centuries and often used by European
trappers, traders, and explorers for quick meals to thwart off starvation.

8. Have an important meeting or job interview and you realize that you don't have enough time to polish your shoes? 
Rub a  freshly cut cucumber over the shoe, its chemicals will provide a quick and durable shine that  not only looks great but also repels water.

9. Out of WD 40 and need to fix a squeaky hinge?
Take a cucumber slice and rub it along the problematic hinge, and voila,
the squeak is gone!

10. Stressed out and don't have time for massage, facial or visit to  the spa? 
Cut up an entire cucumber and place it in a boiling pot of  water, the chemicals and nutrients from the cucumber with react with the boiling water and be released in the steam, creating a soothing, relaxing aroma that has been shown to reduce stress in new mothers and college students during final exams.

11. Just finished a business lunch and realize you don't have gum or mints? 
Take a slice of cucumber and press it to the roof of your mouth with your tongue for 30 seconds to eliminate bad breath, the  phytochemcials will kill the bacteria in your mouth responsible for causing bad breath.

12. Looking for a 'green' way to clean your faucets, sinks or stainless steel? 
Take a slice of cucumber and rub it on the surface you want to clean, not only will it remove years of tarnish and bring back the shine, but is won't leave streaks and won't harm you fingers or  fingernails while you clean.

13. Using a pen and made a mistake? 
Take the outside of the cucumber and slowly use it to erase the pen writing, also works great on crayons and markers that the kids have used to decorate the walls!
Pass this along to everybody you know who is looking for better and safer ways to solve life's everyday problems.

Quarter-Life Crisis

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis."


It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones.
What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job...and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups
start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

Break Time - Tawa Muna!

Hindi lahat ng party ay masaya--3RD PARTY
Hindi lahat ng 13 ay malas--13TH MONTH PAY
Hindi lahat ng negative nakakalungkot- PREGNANCY TEST (whew)
Hindi lahat ng positive ikina-sasaya- -HIV POSITIVE 

************ ********* ******* 
Panibagong sagot sa tanong na: "'musta lovelife?"
"Eto self supporting."

************ ********* ******* 
Anak: Tay , totoo po bang may multo?
Tatay: Anak walang multo! Bakit mo naitanong?
Anak: Sabi kasi ni yaya merong multo!
Tatay: Anak...Tang' ina naman, wala tayong yaya!

************ ********* ******* 
Inday: Ate, kailangan daw ipa-EXTRAY ulo ni junior?
Mother: Gaga anong EXTRAY?
Inday: Ano pu ba talaga ati?
Mother: CT SKULL!! Bobo!

************ ********* ******* 
Bahay ng mag-asawa pinasok ng killer....
Killer: Bago ko patayin lahat ng biktima ko ay kinikilala ko muna. Ikaw Mrs, ano pangalan mo?
Mrs: Inday po.
Killer: Napakagandang pangalan, kapangalan mo nanay ko.
Hindi na kita papatayin. Ikaw mr, ano pangalan mo?
Mr: Ah Pedro po, pero my friends call me Inday.

************ ********* ******* 
Chinese feng shui: If MIRROR at the stairs, may swerte at grasya akyat.
If MIRROR at the door, may swerte at grasya pasok.
If MIRROR at the ceiling, ikaw swerte, nasa loob ka ng MOTEL!

************ ********* ******* 
Teacher: Juan, give me colors that start with letter M, except maroon!
Juan: Hhmmm...
Maitim!
Mapute!
Maputla!
Madilaw!
Mukhang berde!
Mejo asul!
Mamink-mink! 

************ ********* ******* 
Mag-ama nakasakay sa barko habang bumabagyo...
Anak: Tay ! Nag-aalala po ako. Parang lulubog ang barko.
Tatay: Tanga! Ba't ka mag-aalala eh di naman atin ito!

************ ********* ******* 

Nanay: Papauwi ka na ba? Asan ka na?
Anak: Andito po ako sa ospital...
Nanay (umiiyak): Ha? Ano nangyari sayo?!
Anak: Nay, nurse po ako, duty ako ngayon! 

************ ********* *******

A large signboard says: "ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY."
Nakita ng lasenggo... "So what?! Sino ba nagmamadali? "?

************ ********* ******* 

Misis: Inday, napansin mo ba ang barong ni sir mo lagi na lang may lipstick?
Maid: Opo nga ma'am! Mukang niloloko na tayo ni sir ah?!?!

************ ********* ******* 
Jr: Nay, nagloko ba si lolo noong buhay pa sya?
Mom: Pag namatay ako, tatanungin ko sya sa langit.
Jr: Eh kung nasa hell si lolo?
Mom: Tatay mo ang magtatanong! 

************ ********* *******

Wife mad at drunk husband: From now on, lips that touch liquor will never touch mine...
(Later she said): What are you thinking?
Husband: Trying to decide between 12year old scotch and 50year old lips.

************ ********* ****

Son to dying father: Itay, ano po ang gusto nyo, magpalibing ba o magpa-cremate?
Ama:Ikaw na ang bahala, anak. I-surprise mo na lang ako.

************ ********* **** 
Pacquiao: Honey, boksan mo na yun sweets.
Jinky: Nasan honey? Ang lambing mo naman. May pasalubong ka pa sa akin!
Pacquiao: Yung sweets ng elaw. Ang dilim kasi! 

************ ********* ****

Bisaya: Hulaan mo alaga kong hayop nagsimula sa liter I.
DJ: Isda?
Bisaya: Dili man!
Dj: Ibon?
Bisaya: Lapit na.
DJ: Ano nga, siret na!
Bisaya: IGOL. 

************ ********* ****

Erap disembarked from a PAL flight and was met by reporter who asked, "Sir, what do you think of the economy?"
Erap: I don't know. I was seated in the first class.

**** ************ *********

Tony: Ikaw na naman? Tatlong beses mo na akong na-holdup ngayong taon, ah!
Holdaper: Ganu'n talaga brod. Inaalagaan ang good customer!

Top 10 PUNny Lines from the International Pun Contest

*The ability to make and understand puns is considered to be the highest
level of language development. Here are the 10 first place winners in the
International Pun Contest:*

1.  A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.  The
stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed
per passenger."

2.  Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says,
"Dam!"

3.  Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
craft.  Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your
kayak and heat it too.

4.  Two hydrogen atoms meet.  One says, "I've lost my electron." The other
says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

5.  Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal?  His goal: transcend dental medication.

6.  A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.  After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.  "But
why?", they asked, as they moved off.  "Because," he said, "I can't stand
chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7.  A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.  One of them goes to a
family in  Egypt  and is named "Ahmal." The          other goes to a family
in  Spain ; they name him "Juan."  Years later, Juan sends a picture of
himself to his birth mother.  Upon receiving the picture, she tells her
husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.  Her husband
responds, "They're twins!  If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8.  A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened
up a small florist shop to raise funds.  Since everyone liked to buy flowers
from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was
unfair.   He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.  He
went back and begged the friars to close.  They ignored him. So, the rival
florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to
"persuade" them to close.  Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store,
saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so,
thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

9.  Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little,
which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad
breath.  This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) a super
calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
*
*No pun in ten did*

Only in the Philippines: Hilarious Pinoy Signs!

Kawawa naman yung mga naglalaba ditto, di pinag lulunch! Hahaha!   Very upfront!! Talagang mention the word "kulangot"     Camera?     In fairness!!!   Nako, approved ba ng CHED to? bwahaha   Anu daw?   Ano kayang meron dito?   Hahaha this is the best!!! Kinabog si kuya kim at ernie baron!!   Ang healthy cguro ng mga tao dito!   Baka naman na cremate si kuya?   Wahahaha fee talaga?

Fact, not Fiction

'lollipop'
is the longest word typed with your right hand.
(Bet you tried this out mentally, didn't you?)


No word in the English language rhymes with
month, orange, silver, or purple.




'Dreamt' is the only English word that ends in the letters 'mt'.
(Are you doubting this?)



Our eyes are always the same size from birth,

but our nose and ears '  


never stop growing.



The sentence:
'The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog'
uses every letter of the alphabet.
(Now, you KNOW you're going to try this out for accuracy, right?




The words 'racecar,'
'kayak'
and 'level'
are the same whether they are read
left to right or right to left (palindromes).
(Yep, I knew you were going to 'do' this one.)



There are only four words in the English language which end in 'dous':
tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
(You're not doubting this, are you?)



There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels

in order: 'abstemious' and 'facetious.' (Yes, admit it, you are going to say, a e l o u)

TYPEWRITER is the longest word
that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
(All you typists are going to test this out)



A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.



A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds..
(Some days that's about what my memory span is.)



A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.



A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.



A snail can sleep for three years.
(I know some people that could do this too.!)




Almonds are a member of the peach family.



An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that also)




Babies are born without kneecaps.
They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.






In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.





If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast,
the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.




Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors





Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite!






Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.



The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.





The cruise liner, QE 2

moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.




The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube

and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
(Good thing he did that.)




The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls


froze completely solid.




There are more chickens than people in the world.




Winston Churchill

was born in a ladies' room during a dance.




Women blink nearly twice as much as men.




Now you know more than you did before!!