These great questions and answers are from the days when ‘Hollywood Squares’ game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course..
Q.. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A.. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency..
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty..
Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh
Monday, June 28, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
6 PRINCIPLES OF LIFE
No point using limited life to chase unlimited money.
No point earning so much money you cannot live to spend it.
Money is not yours until you spend it.
When you are young, you use your health to chase your wealth; when you are old, you use your wealth to buy back your health. Difference is that, it is too late.
How happy a man is, is not how much he has but how little he needs.
No point working so hard to provide for the people you have no time to spend with.
Remember this -- We come to this world with nothing, we leave this world with nothing!
No point earning so much money you cannot live to spend it.
Money is not yours until you spend it.
When you are young, you use your health to chase your wealth; when you are old, you use your wealth to buy back your health. Difference is that, it is too late.
How happy a man is, is not how much he has but how little he needs.
No point working so hard to provide for the people you have no time to spend with.
Remember this -- We come to this world with nothing, we leave this world with nothing!
Monday, May 3, 2010
The Tale of Love and Madness
A long time ago, before the world was created and humans set foot on it for
the first time, virtues and vices floated around and were bored, not
knowing what to do.
One day, all the vices and virtues were gathered together and were more
bored than ever. Suddenly, Ingenious came up with an idea: "Let's play hide
and seek!"
All of them liked the idea and immediately Madness shouted: "I want to
count, I want to count!" And since nobody was crazy enough to want to seek
Madness, all the others agreed. Madness leaned against a tree and started
to count: "One, two, three..."
As Madness counted, the vices and virtues went hiding. Tenderness hung
itself on the horn of the moon, Treason hid in a pile of garbage. Fondness
curled up between the clouds and Passion went to the center of the earth.
Lie said that it would hide under a stone, but hid at the bottom of the
lake, whilst Avarice entered a sack that he ended up breaking. And Madness
continued to count: "... seventy nine, eighty, eighty one..." By this time,
all the vices and virtues were already hidden - except Love. For undecided
as Love is, he could not decide where to hide. And this should not surprise
us, because we all know how difficult it is to hide Love.
Madness: "...ninety five, ninety six, ninety seven..." Just when Madness
got to one hundred, Love jumped into a rose bush where he hid. And Madness
turned around and shouted: "I'm coming, i'm coming!" As Madness turned
around, Laziness was the first to be found, because Laziness had no energy
to hide. Then he spotted Tenderness in the horn of the moon, Lie at the
bottom of the lake and Passion at the center of the earth. One by one,
Madness found them all - except Love.
Madness was getting desperate, unable to find Love. Envious of Love, Envy
whispered to Madness: "You only need to find Love, and Love is hiding in
the rose bush."
Madness grabbed a wooden pitch fork and stabbed wildly at the rose bush.
Madness stabbed and stabbed until a heartbreaking cry made him stop. Love
appeared from the rose bush, covering his face with his hands. Between his
fingers ran two trickles of blood from his eyes.
Madness, so anxious to find Love, had stabbed out Love's eyes with a pitch
fork. "What have I done! What have I done!" Madness shouted. "I have left
you blind! How can I repair it?" And Love answered: "You cannot repair my
eyes. But if you want to do something for me, you can be my guide."
And so it came about that from that day on, Love is blind and is always
accompanied by Madness.
the first time, virtues and vices floated around and were bored, not
knowing what to do.
One day, all the vices and virtues were gathered together and were more
bored than ever. Suddenly, Ingenious came up with an idea: "Let's play hide
and seek!"
All of them liked the idea and immediately Madness shouted: "I want to
count, I want to count!" And since nobody was crazy enough to want to seek
Madness, all the others agreed. Madness leaned against a tree and started
to count: "One, two, three..."
As Madness counted, the vices and virtues went hiding. Tenderness hung
itself on the horn of the moon, Treason hid in a pile of garbage. Fondness
curled up between the clouds and Passion went to the center of the earth.
Lie said that it would hide under a stone, but hid at the bottom of the
lake, whilst Avarice entered a sack that he ended up breaking. And Madness
continued to count: "... seventy nine, eighty, eighty one..." By this time,
all the vices and virtues were already hidden - except Love. For undecided
as Love is, he could not decide where to hide. And this should not surprise
us, because we all know how difficult it is to hide Love.
Madness: "...ninety five, ninety six, ninety seven..." Just when Madness
got to one hundred, Love jumped into a rose bush where he hid. And Madness
turned around and shouted: "I'm coming, i'm coming!" As Madness turned
around, Laziness was the first to be found, because Laziness had no energy
to hide. Then he spotted Tenderness in the horn of the moon, Lie at the
bottom of the lake and Passion at the center of the earth. One by one,
Madness found them all - except Love.
Madness was getting desperate, unable to find Love. Envious of Love, Envy
whispered to Madness: "You only need to find Love, and Love is hiding in
the rose bush."
Madness grabbed a wooden pitch fork and stabbed wildly at the rose bush.
Madness stabbed and stabbed until a heartbreaking cry made him stop. Love
appeared from the rose bush, covering his face with his hands. Between his
fingers ran two trickles of blood from his eyes.
Madness, so anxious to find Love, had stabbed out Love's eyes with a pitch
fork. "What have I done! What have I done!" Madness shouted. "I have left
you blind! How can I repair it?" And Love answered: "You cannot repair my
eyes. But if you want to do something for me, you can be my guide."
And so it came about that from that day on, Love is blind and is always
accompanied by Madness.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Laughing at Old Age
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!
Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, 'Was I getting in or out of the bath?'
The 94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know. I'll come up and see.' She starts up the stairs and pauses 'Was I going up the stairs or down?
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters, she shakes her head and says, 'I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood.' She then yells, 'I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door.'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, 'Windy, isn't it?'
'No,' the second man replied, 'it's Thursday.'
And the third man chimed in, 'So am I.. Let's have a beer.'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say 'Supersex.' She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, 'Supersex.' He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, 'I'll take the soup.'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
Now this one is just too Precious...LOL!
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, 'Now don't get mad at me ... I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is..
Her friend glared at her for at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, 'How soon do you need to know?'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, 'Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!'
'Heck,' said Herman, 'It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself 'I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light.' After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and
said,
'Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!'
Mildred turned to her and said,
'Oh, crap, am I driving ?'
Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, 'Was I getting in or out of the bath?'
The 94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know. I'll come up and see.' She starts up the stairs and pauses 'Was I going up the stairs or down?
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters, she shakes her head and says, 'I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood.' She then yells, 'I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door.'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, 'Windy, isn't it?'
'No,' the second man replied, 'it's Thursday.'
And the third man chimed in, 'So am I.. Let's have a beer.'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say 'Supersex.' She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, 'Supersex.' He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, 'I'll take the soup.'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
Now this one is just too Precious...LOL!
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, 'Now don't get mad at me ... I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is..
Her friend glared at her for at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, 'How soon do you need to know?'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, 'Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!'
'Heck,' said Herman, 'It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself 'I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light.' After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and
said,
'Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!'
Mildred turned to her and said,
'Oh, crap, am I driving ?'
Thursday, March 18, 2010
The Top Ten Stupid Answers To Game Show Questions by Sasha Purse (from RX 39.1)
The Top Ten Stupid Answers To Game Show Questions by Sasha Purse
1. Blasphemous – Q: “Ano sa Tagalog ang teeth?” A: “Utong!”
2. Carlo of Taguig – Q: “Kung ang light ay ilaw, ano naman ang lightning?” A: “Umiilaw!”
3. Pancho – Q: “Kung vegetarian ang tawag sa kumakain ng gulay, ano ang tawag sa kumakain ng tao? A: “Humanitarian?”
4. Joan C – Q: “Sina Michael at Raphael ay mga…” A: “Ninja?”
5. Potpot/Simplyme – Q: “Ano ang karaniwang kasunod ng kidlat?” A: “Sunog!”
6. Arcueid – Q: “Magbigay ng sikat na Willie.” A: “Willie da pooh!”
7. Raimon – Q: “Ang mga Hindu ay galing sa aling bansa?” A: “Hindunesia?”
8. Bonnjeru – Q: “Anong hayop si King Kong?” A: “Pagong!”
9. MaudeEvans – Q: “Magbigay ng mabahong pagkain.” A: “Tae!”
10. Supertanker – Q: “Saang bansa matatagpuan ang mga Canadians?” A: “Canadia!”
11. RC & Cess – Q: “Kumpletuhin – Little Red…” A: “Ribbon!”
12. Jose de Vengenge – Q: “Ano ang tinatanggal sa itlog bago ito kainin?” A: “Buhok?”
13. Arcueid – Q: “Magbigay ng pagkain na dumidikit sa ngipin.” A: “Tinga!”
14. LilMaui – Q: “Anong oras kadalasang pinapatay ang TV?” A: “Pag balita?”
15. Katherine – Q: “Ano ang tawag mo sa anak ng taong grasa?” A: “Baby oil?”
16. RC & Cess – Q: “Saan karaniwang ginagawa ang mga sweets na ginagamit sa halu-halo?” A: “Sweetserland?”
17. RC & Cess – Q: “Sinong higanteng G ang tinalo ni David?” A: “Godzilla?”
18. LilRedShiningNips – Q: “Ano ang mas malaki, itlog ng ibon o sanggol ng tao?” A: “Itlog ng tao!”
19. Jose de Vengenge – Q: “Anong S ang tawag sa duktor nag nago-opera?” A: “Sadista?”
20. Ned – Q: “Blank is the best policy.” A: “Ice tea?”
21. Boc – Q: “Anong parte ng itlog ang masarap?” A: “Yung tangkay?”
22. Espeks – Q: “Saan binaril si Jose Rizal?” A: “Sa likod!”
23. No Angel – Q: “Fill in the blanks – Beauty is in the eye of the ____.” A: “Tiger?”
24. No name – Q: “Ano ang kinakain ng monkey-eating eagle?” A: “Saging!”
25. No name – Q: “Kung ang suka ay vinegar, ano naman ang Inggles ng toyo?” A: “Baliw!”
26. Kayee – Q: “Anong tawag mo sa kapatid ng nanay mo?” A: “Kamag-anak!”
27. Kid Bukid – Q: “Saan nakukuha ang sakit na AIDS?” A: “Sa motel?”
28. His Cuteness – Q: “Kung ang H2O ay water, ano naman ang CO2?” A: “Cold water!”
29. Katuray – Q: “Sinong cartoon charcater ang sumisigaw ng yabba dabba doo?” A: “Si scooby dooby doo?”
30. Loipogi – Q: “Heto na si kaka, bubuka-bukaka.” A: “Operadang bakla?”
31. litzkrieg – Q: “Ilan ang bituin sa American flag?” A: “Madami!”
32. Adakrab 14 – Q: “Ano ang tawag mo sa taong isa lang ang mata?” A: “Abnormal!”
1. Blasphemous – Q: “Ano sa Tagalog ang teeth?” A: “Utong!”
2. Carlo of Taguig – Q: “Kung ang light ay ilaw, ano naman ang lightning?” A: “Umiilaw!”
3. Pancho – Q: “Kung vegetarian ang tawag sa kumakain ng gulay, ano ang tawag sa kumakain ng tao? A: “Humanitarian?”
4. Joan C – Q: “Sina Michael at Raphael ay mga…” A: “Ninja?”
5. Potpot/Simplyme – Q: “Ano ang karaniwang kasunod ng kidlat?” A: “Sunog!”
6. Arcueid – Q: “Magbigay ng sikat na Willie.” A: “Willie da pooh!”
7. Raimon – Q: “Ang mga Hindu ay galing sa aling bansa?” A: “Hindunesia?”
8. Bonnjeru – Q: “Anong hayop si King Kong?” A: “Pagong!”
9. MaudeEvans – Q: “Magbigay ng mabahong pagkain.” A: “Tae!”
10. Supertanker – Q: “Saang bansa matatagpuan ang mga Canadians?” A: “Canadia!”
11. RC & Cess – Q: “Kumpletuhin – Little Red…” A: “Ribbon!”
12. Jose de Vengenge – Q: “Ano ang tinatanggal sa itlog bago ito kainin?” A: “Buhok?”
13. Arcueid – Q: “Magbigay ng pagkain na dumidikit sa ngipin.” A: “Tinga!”
14. LilMaui – Q: “Anong oras kadalasang pinapatay ang TV?” A: “Pag balita?”
15. Katherine – Q: “Ano ang tawag mo sa anak ng taong grasa?” A: “Baby oil?”
16. RC & Cess – Q: “Saan karaniwang ginagawa ang mga sweets na ginagamit sa halu-halo?” A: “Sweetserland?”
17. RC & Cess – Q: “Sinong higanteng G ang tinalo ni David?” A: “Godzilla?”
18. LilRedShiningNips – Q: “Ano ang mas malaki, itlog ng ibon o sanggol ng tao?” A: “Itlog ng tao!”
19. Jose de Vengenge – Q: “Anong S ang tawag sa duktor nag nago-opera?” A: “Sadista?”
20. Ned – Q: “Blank is the best policy.” A: “Ice tea?”
21. Boc – Q: “Anong parte ng itlog ang masarap?” A: “Yung tangkay?”
22. Espeks – Q: “Saan binaril si Jose Rizal?” A: “Sa likod!”
23. No Angel – Q: “Fill in the blanks – Beauty is in the eye of the ____.” A: “Tiger?”
24. No name – Q: “Ano ang kinakain ng monkey-eating eagle?” A: “Saging!”
25. No name – Q: “Kung ang suka ay vinegar, ano naman ang Inggles ng toyo?” A: “Baliw!”
26. Kayee – Q: “Anong tawag mo sa kapatid ng nanay mo?” A: “Kamag-anak!”
27. Kid Bukid – Q: “Saan nakukuha ang sakit na AIDS?” A: “Sa motel?”
28. His Cuteness – Q: “Kung ang H2O ay water, ano naman ang CO2?” A: “Cold water!”
29. Katuray – Q: “Sinong cartoon charcater ang sumisigaw ng yabba dabba doo?” A: “Si scooby dooby doo?”
30. Loipogi – Q: “Heto na si kaka, bubuka-bukaka.” A: “Operadang bakla?”
31. litzkrieg – Q: “Ilan ang bituin sa American flag?” A: “Madami!”
32. Adakrab 14 – Q: “Ano ang tawag mo sa taong isa lang ang mata?” A: “Abnormal!”
The Little Old Lady...
Defense Attorney:
Will you please state your age?
Little Old Lady:
I am 94 years old.
Defense Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Little Old Lady:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?
Little Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?
Little Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?
Little Old Lady:
No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Little Old Lady:
He began to rub my breasts.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him then?
Little Old Lady:
No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little Old Lady:
His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Little Old Lady:
Well, by then, I was feeling so 'spicy' that I just laid down and told him
'Take me, young man. Take me now! '
Defense Attorney:
Did he take you?
Little Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, ' April Fool! ' And that's when I shot him, the little bastard
Will you please state your age?
Little Old Lady:
I am 94 years old.
Defense Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Little Old Lady:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?
Little Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?
Little Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?
Little Old Lady:
No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Little Old Lady:
He began to rub my breasts.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him then?
Little Old Lady:
No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little Old Lady:
His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Little Old Lady:
Well, by then, I was feeling so 'spicy' that I just laid down and told him
'Take me, young man. Take me now! '
Defense Attorney:
Did he take you?
Little Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, ' April Fool! ' And that's when I shot him, the little bastard
Monday, March 8, 2010
Installing Husband Software
A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy
Dear Tech Support ,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 toHusband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3..0 and Golf 4.1 .
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed, ______ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________
Reply
DEAR Madam,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme. htmland try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband1.0should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5..
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default toSilence 2.5 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend: Cooking 3..0 and Hot Looks 7.7..
Good Luck Madam!
Dear Tech Support ,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 toHusband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3..0 and Golf 4.1 .
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed, ______ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________
Reply
DEAR Madam,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme. htmland try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband1.0should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5..
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default toSilence 2.5 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend: Cooking 3..0 and Hot Looks 7.7..
Good Luck Madam!
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Funny 5 Minute Management Course
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift..
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily
and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager..
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients..'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift..
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily
and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager..
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients..'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
The Triangle of Life: A simple tip that can save your life during an earthquake
FROM DOUG COPP'S ARTICLE ON THE 'TRIANGLE OF LIFE'
Edited for MAA Safety Committee brief
My name is Doug Copp. I am the Rescue Chief and Disaster Manager of the American Rescue Team International (ARTI), the world's most experienced rescue team. The information in this article will save lives in an earthquake.
I have crawled inside 875 collapsed buildings, worked with rescue teams
from 60 countries, founded rescue teams in several countries, and one of
the United Nations experts in Disaster Mitigation for two years. I have
worked at every major disaster in the world since 1985.
In 1996 we made a film, which proved my survival methodology to be correct. We collapsed a school and a home with 20 mannequins inside. Ten mannequins did 'duck and cover,' and the other ten mannequins used my 'triangle of life' survival method. After the simulated earthquake, we crawled through the rubble and entered the building to film and document the results. The film showed that there would have been zero percent survival for those doing duck and cover; and 100 percent survivability for people using my method of the 'triangle of life.'
This film has been seen by millions of viewers on television in Turkey and
the rest of Europe, and it was seen in the USA , Canada and Latin America on the TV program.
The first building I ever crawled inside of was a school in Mexico City
during the 1985 earthquake. Every child was under its desk. Every child was crushed to the thickness of their bones. They could have survived by lying down next to their desks in the aisles.
At that time, the children were told to hide under something. Simply
stated, when buildings collapse, the weight of the ceilings falling upon
the objects or furniture inside crushes these objects, leaving a space or
void next to them. This space is what I call the 'triangle of life'. The
larger the object, the stronger, the less it will compact. The less the
object compacts, the larger the void, the greater the probability that the
person who is using this void for safety will not be injured.
The next time you watch collapsed buildings, on television, count the
'triangles' you see formed. They are everywhere. It is the most common
shape.
Â
Â
 TEN TIPS FOR EARTHQUAKE SAFETY
Â
1) Almost everyone who simply 'ducks and covers' when buildings collapse are crushed to death. People who get under objects, like desks or cars, are crushed.
2) Cats, dogs and babies often naturally curl up in the fetal position.
You should too in an earthquake. It is a natural safety/survival instinct.
You can survive in a smaller void. Get next to an object, next to a sofa,
next to a large bulky object that will compress slightly but leave a void
next to it.
3) Wooden buildings are the safest type of construction to be in during an earthquake. Wood is flexible and moves with the force of the earthquake. If the wooden building does collapse, large survival voids are created. Also, the wooden building has less concentrated, crushing weight. Brick buildings will break into individual bricks. Bricks will cause many injuries but less squashed bodies than concrete slabs.
4) If you are in bed during the night and an earthquake occurs, simply roll
off the bed. A safe void will exist around the bed. Hotels can achieve a
much greater survival rate in earthquakes, simply by posting a sign on the back of the door of every room telling occupants to lie down on the
floor, next to the bottom of the bed during an earthquake.
5) If an earthquake happens and you cannot easily escape by getting out the door or window, then lie down and curl up in the fetal position next to a sofa, or large chair.
6) Almost everyone who gets under a doorway when buildings collapse is
killed. How ? If you stand under a doorway and the doorjamb falls forward or backward you will be crushed by the ceiling above. If the doorjamb falls sideways you will be cut in half by the doorway. In either case, you will be killed!
7) Never go to the stairs. The stairs have a different 'moment of
frequency' (they swing separately from the main part of the building).The
stairs and remainder of the building continuously bump into each other
until structural failure of the stairs takes place. The people who get on
stairs before they fail are chopped up by the stair treads - horribly
mutilated. Even if the building doesn't collapse, stay away from the
stairs. The stairs are a likely part of the building to be damaged. Even if
the earthquake does not collapse the stairs, they may collapse later when
overloaded by fleeing people. They should always be checked for safety,
even when the rest of the building is not damaged.
8) Get near the Outer Walls Of Buildings or Outside Of Them if possible.
It is much better to be near the outside of the building rather than
the interior. The farther inside you are from the outside perimeter of the
building the greater the probability that your escape route will be
blocked.
9) People inside of their vehicles are crushed when the road above falls in
an earthquake and crushes their vehicles; which is exactly what happened
with the slabs between the decks of the Nimitz Freeway. The victims of the San Francisco earthquake all stayed inside of their vehicles. They were all killed. They could have easily survived by getting out and sitting or lying next to their vehicles... Everyone killed would have survived if they had been able to get out of their cars and sit or
lie next to them. All the crushed cars had voids 3 feet high next to them, except for the cars that had columns fall directly across them.
10) I discovered, while crawling inside of collapsed newspaper offices and
other offices with a lot of paper, that paper does not compact. Large
voids are found surrounding stacks of paper.
Spread the word and save someone's life.
Edited for MAA Safety Committee brief
My name is Doug Copp. I am the Rescue Chief and Disaster Manager of the American Rescue Team International (ARTI), the world's most experienced rescue team. The information in this article will save lives in an earthquake.
I have crawled inside 875 collapsed buildings, worked with rescue teams
from 60 countries, founded rescue teams in several countries, and one of
the United Nations experts in Disaster Mitigation for two years. I have
worked at every major disaster in the world since 1985.
In 1996 we made a film, which proved my survival methodology to be correct. We collapsed a school and a home with 20 mannequins inside. Ten mannequins did 'duck and cover,' and the other ten mannequins used my 'triangle of life' survival method. After the simulated earthquake, we crawled through the rubble and entered the building to film and document the results. The film showed that there would have been zero percent survival for those doing duck and cover; and 100 percent survivability for people using my method of the 'triangle of life.'
This film has been seen by millions of viewers on television in Turkey and
the rest of Europe, and it was seen in the USA , Canada and Latin America on the TV program.
The first building I ever crawled inside of was a school in Mexico City
during the 1985 earthquake. Every child was under its desk. Every child was crushed to the thickness of their bones. They could have survived by lying down next to their desks in the aisles.
At that time, the children were told to hide under something. Simply
stated, when buildings collapse, the weight of the ceilings falling upon
the objects or furniture inside crushes these objects, leaving a space or
void next to them. This space is what I call the 'triangle of life'. The
larger the object, the stronger, the less it will compact. The less the
object compacts, the larger the void, the greater the probability that the
person who is using this void for safety will not be injured.
The next time you watch collapsed buildings, on television, count the
'triangles' you see formed. They are everywhere. It is the most common
shape.
Â
Â
 TEN TIPS FOR EARTHQUAKE SAFETY
Â
1) Almost everyone who simply 'ducks and covers' when buildings collapse are crushed to death. People who get under objects, like desks or cars, are crushed.
2) Cats, dogs and babies often naturally curl up in the fetal position.
You should too in an earthquake. It is a natural safety/survival instinct.
You can survive in a smaller void. Get next to an object, next to a sofa,
next to a large bulky object that will compress slightly but leave a void
next to it.
3) Wooden buildings are the safest type of construction to be in during an earthquake. Wood is flexible and moves with the force of the earthquake. If the wooden building does collapse, large survival voids are created. Also, the wooden building has less concentrated, crushing weight. Brick buildings will break into individual bricks. Bricks will cause many injuries but less squashed bodies than concrete slabs.
4) If you are in bed during the night and an earthquake occurs, simply roll
off the bed. A safe void will exist around the bed. Hotels can achieve a
much greater survival rate in earthquakes, simply by posting a sign on the back of the door of every room telling occupants to lie down on the
floor, next to the bottom of the bed during an earthquake.
5) If an earthquake happens and you cannot easily escape by getting out the door or window, then lie down and curl up in the fetal position next to a sofa, or large chair.
6) Almost everyone who gets under a doorway when buildings collapse is
killed. How ? If you stand under a doorway and the doorjamb falls forward or backward you will be crushed by the ceiling above. If the doorjamb falls sideways you will be cut in half by the doorway. In either case, you will be killed!
7) Never go to the stairs. The stairs have a different 'moment of
frequency' (they swing separately from the main part of the building).The
stairs and remainder of the building continuously bump into each other
until structural failure of the stairs takes place. The people who get on
stairs before they fail are chopped up by the stair treads - horribly
mutilated. Even if the building doesn't collapse, stay away from the
stairs. The stairs are a likely part of the building to be damaged. Even if
the earthquake does not collapse the stairs, they may collapse later when
overloaded by fleeing people. They should always be checked for safety,
even when the rest of the building is not damaged.
8) Get near the Outer Walls Of Buildings or Outside Of Them if possible.
It is much better to be near the outside of the building rather than
the interior. The farther inside you are from the outside perimeter of the
building the greater the probability that your escape route will be
blocked.
9) People inside of their vehicles are crushed when the road above falls in
an earthquake and crushes their vehicles; which is exactly what happened
with the slabs between the decks of the Nimitz Freeway. The victims of the San Francisco earthquake all stayed inside of their vehicles. They were all killed. They could have easily survived by getting out and sitting or lying next to their vehicles... Everyone killed would have survived if they had been able to get out of their cars and sit or
lie next to them. All the crushed cars had voids 3 feet high next to them, except for the cars that had columns fall directly across them.
10) I discovered, while crawling inside of collapsed newspaper offices and
other offices with a lot of paper, that paper does not compact. Large
voids are found surrounding stacks of paper.
Spread the word and save someone's life.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Nerd on an Island
A guy is stranded on a desert island all alone for ten years.
One day he sees a speck on the horizon. He thinks to himself, 'It's not a ship.' The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, 'It's not a boat.' The speck gets even closer and he thinks, 'It's not a raft.' Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.
She comes up to the guy and she says, 'How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?' 'Ten years!', he says. She reaches over, unzips this waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, 'Man, oh man! Is that good!'
Then she asked, 'How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?'
He replies, 'Ten years!' She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on the right, pulls out a flask and gives it to him. He takes a long swig and says, 'Wow! That's fantastic!' Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, 'And how long has it been since you've had some REAL fun?'
And the man replies, 'My God! Don't tell me you've got a computer in there?'
One day he sees a speck on the horizon. He thinks to himself, 'It's not a ship.' The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, 'It's not a boat.' The speck gets even closer and he thinks, 'It's not a raft.' Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.
She comes up to the guy and she says, 'How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?' 'Ten years!', he says. She reaches over, unzips this waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, 'Man, oh man! Is that good!'
Then she asked, 'How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?'
He replies, 'Ten years!' She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on the right, pulls out a flask and gives it to him. He takes a long swig and says, 'Wow! That's fantastic!' Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, 'And how long has it been since you've had some REAL fun?'
And the man replies, 'My God! Don't tell me you've got a computer in there?'
What is Butt Dust?
What, you ask, is 'Butt dust'? Read on and you'll discover the joy in it! These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this creative!!
JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: 'Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?'
MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, 'If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six..'
STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. 'I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window.'
BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer.. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know it's me?'
SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. 'Please don't give me this juice again,' she said, 'It makes my teeth cough.'
DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I cost?'
MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: 'Why is he whispering in her mouth?'
CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?'
JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read : 'The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.' Concerned, James asked: 'What happened to the flea?'
TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, 'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?'
The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget...this particular Sunday sermon.....'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. 'Without you, we are but dust...' He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?'
JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: 'Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?'
MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, 'If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six..'
STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. 'I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window.'
BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer.. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know it's me?'
SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. 'Please don't give me this juice again,' she said, 'It makes my teeth cough.'
DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I cost?'
MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: 'Why is he whispering in her mouth?'
CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?'
JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read : 'The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.' Concerned, James asked: 'What happened to the flea?'
TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, 'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?'
The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget...this particular Sunday sermon.....'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. 'Without you, we are but dust...' He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?'
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