Funny 5 Minute Management Course

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.


Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift..
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily
and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.


Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager..
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.


Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.


Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients..'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..


Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!


THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

Only in the Philippines: Hilarious Pinoy Signs!

Kawawa naman yung mga naglalaba ditto, di pinag lulunch! Hahaha!   Very upfront!! Talagang mention the word "kulangot"     Camera?     In fairness!!!   Nako, approved ba ng CHED to? bwahaha   Anu daw?   Ano kayang meron dito?   Hahaha this is the best!!! Kinabog si kuya kim at ernie baron!!   Ang healthy cguro ng mga tao dito!   Baka naman na cremate si kuya?   Wahahaha fee talaga?

Good Topic, Bad Article

"A Treasure That the Philippines Must Have to Be Guided and Treasured Most"
by I.C.

MABUHAY. A Filipino term for "long live."

Despite of beauty, colors, and wealth of the Philippines, many of the Filipinos today could think that they can't feel these things (mostly our unfortunate brothers and sisters)... They will told you that they never think of what is patriotic or nationalistic... Instead, they will say "...we would so much to think our everyday needs for survival than of being patriotic..."

We cannot blame them... They never think of a Jose Rizal as they will think on a one peso coin much of him... They never think a Andres Bonifacio... A Francisco Balagtas... Or even can tell something about our rich history... This is not brought by ignorance... It is brought by poverty that took much of our society, centuries ago...

Even we, the learned Filipinos, the one who indulged to learn and be educated are unaware for the fact that we Filipinos have something to be proud of... We are so lucky to be send in schools and know about the land we are stepping right now... A country with millions of treasures, but are not buried under the soil... A treasure that we can hold on... And that is our very fare hope... and hope that we could see them to lead our nation in prosperity and greatness ones again... THE YOUTH.

Hope this message might mean for everybody... The Filipinos around the globe... teachers, soldiers, scholars, students, nurses, doctors, attorneys, and everybody... though a street vendor or a street sweeper... The nation of ours is great and we must turn the pages of our history in a way that the next generation will be proud of us and be benefited of what kind of new Filipinas will be a home for them...

Let the history's brave youth of our country serves as the model of our youth...

Tarik Soliman, the leader of the first ever Filipino battle with freedom as its cause... died at a very young age... a datu of Macabebe... dubbed as the bravest of the islands by the Spaniards and tagged as "the brave youth." And research shows that he was just 13 years of age when he fought and died in the famous Battle of Bangkusay...

Gen. Gregorio del Pilar... at a young age of 17, he joined the Katipunan... at the age of 19, he already experienced a bloody battle... at the age of 21, he became the first ever Filipino governor of Bulacan... and at the age of 22, he died for our country...

Emilio Jacinto... at the age of 19, he became one of the Katipunan's greatest leader... and at the age of 23, he died for our country...

Jose Rizal... the Philippine national hero... his undying and timeless works encircles the heart of every generation...

Hope that their memories may not fade...

Philippine Beauty Pageant Funny Q&A

Host : If you had a foreigner friend, where will you bring him to showcase
the beauty of the Philippines?
Girl Contestant : Bocaue.
Host : Bocaue. Why Bocaue? There are so many places in the Philippines? Why
Bocaue?
Girl : Because it's a magnificent place.
Host : Which part of Bocaue?
Girl : The Bocaue Rice Terraces.
_____

Host : What is your best feature?
Contestant : My graduation feature.
_____


Host : What is you favorite motto?
Contestant : If others can't, why can't I!
_____

Host : What would you like to say to foreigners?
Contestant : Please come back.
_____

Host : What is your typical day?
Contestant : I think Saturday po!
_____


Host : If you were to describe the color blue to a blind person, how would
you do it?'
Contestant : That's a very good question. Keep it up.
_____



Host : What is your edge over the other contestants?
Girl Contestant : My edge.... 23 years old.
_____

Host : What, in your opinion, is the ideal age for marriage?
Girl : Between 24 and 25!
_____

Host : How do you see yourself 10 years from now?
Girl : I'll be 28.
_____


Host : What is the biggest problem facing the youth today?
Girl : Drugs.
Host : Why?
Girl : Mahal eh!
_____

Host : What is the essence of being gay?
Contestant : I'm proud to be gay because what is naked is essential to the
eye!
_____

Host : What makes you blush?
Girl : Blush on!
_____

Host : What is the essence of a man?
Gay Contestant : Testicles!
_____

Host : Hey, I heard you almost didn't make it, how did you get here? Did you
ride or did you walk?
Gay Contestant : Of course, did you ride. What do you think of me, did you
walk???

When the Grass is Greener on the Other Side...

When grass seems greener in the other side of the fence...



you put sometimes your head too far to really prove it...

and when you realise that you went too far and it is difficult to go back down, please remember that...

Not everybody that appears around will help you!!!!!

29 Funny Lines to Make You SMILE

1.... My husband and I divorced over religious differences.. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2.... I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.... Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4.... I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5.... Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

6.... You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
7.... Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8.... Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
9.... I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
10...Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

11... NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
12... God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13... The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14... Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
15... Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

16... Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
17... Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
18... Procrastinate Now!

19... I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
20... A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21... A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance..

22... Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23... They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
24... He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.

25... A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

26.. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
27.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

28.. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
29 .. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.