Top 10 PUNny Lines from the International Pun Contest

*The ability to make and understand puns is considered to be the highest
level of language development. Here are the 10 first place winners in the
International Pun Contest:*

1.  A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.  The
stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed
per passenger."

2.  Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says,
"Dam!"

3.  Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
craft.  Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your
kayak and heat it too.

4.  Two hydrogen atoms meet.  One says, "I've lost my electron." The other
says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

5.  Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal?  His goal: transcend dental medication.

6.  A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.  After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.  "But
why?", they asked, as they moved off.  "Because," he said, "I can't stand
chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7.  A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.  One of them goes to a
family in  Egypt  and is named "Ahmal." The          other goes to a family
in  Spain ; they name him "Juan."  Years later, Juan sends a picture of
himself to his birth mother.  Upon receiving the picture, she tells her
husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.  Her husband
responds, "They're twins!  If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8.  A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened
up a small florist shop to raise funds.  Since everyone liked to buy flowers
from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was
unfair.   He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.  He
went back and begged the friars to close.  They ignored him. So, the rival
florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to
"persuade" them to close.  Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store,
saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so,
thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

9.  Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little,
which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad
breath.  This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) a super
calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
*
*No pun in ten did*

Only in the Philippines: Hilarious Pinoy Signs!

Kawawa naman yung mga naglalaba ditto, di pinag lulunch! Hahaha!   Very upfront!! Talagang mention the word "kulangot"     Camera?     In fairness!!!   Nako, approved ba ng CHED to? bwahaha   Anu daw?   Ano kayang meron dito?   Hahaha this is the best!!! Kinabog si kuya kim at ernie baron!!   Ang healthy cguro ng mga tao dito!   Baka naman na cremate si kuya?   Wahahaha fee talaga?

Fact, not Fiction

'lollipop'
is the longest word typed with your right hand.
(Bet you tried this out mentally, didn't you?)


No word in the English language rhymes with
month, orange, silver, or purple.




'Dreamt' is the only English word that ends in the letters 'mt'.
(Are you doubting this?)



Our eyes are always the same size from birth,

but our nose and ears '  


never stop growing.



The sentence:
'The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog'
uses every letter of the alphabet.
(Now, you KNOW you're going to try this out for accuracy, right?




The words 'racecar,'
'kayak'
and 'level'
are the same whether they are read
left to right or right to left (palindromes).
(Yep, I knew you were going to 'do' this one.)



There are only four words in the English language which end in 'dous':
tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
(You're not doubting this, are you?)



There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels

in order: 'abstemious' and 'facetious.' (Yes, admit it, you are going to say, a e l o u)

TYPEWRITER is the longest word
that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
(All you typists are going to test this out)



A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.



A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds..
(Some days that's about what my memory span is.)



A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.



A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.



A snail can sleep for three years.
(I know some people that could do this too.!)




Almonds are a member of the peach family.



An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that also)




Babies are born without kneecaps.
They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.






In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.





If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast,
the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.




Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors





Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite!






Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.



The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.





The cruise liner, QE 2

moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.




The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube

and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
(Good thing he did that.)




The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls


froze completely solid.




There are more chickens than people in the world.




Winston Churchill

was born in a ladies' room during a dance.




Women blink nearly twice as much as men.




Now you know more than you did before!!