You Gotta Love This Lawyer!

YOU GOTTA LOVE THIS LAWYER !!!

A New Orleans lawyer sought a Federal Housing Authority (FHA) loan for a client who lost his house in Hurricane Katrina and wanted to rebuild. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to the parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the Lawyer three months to track down.

After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply.

(Actual letter):
"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."

Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows.

"Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased, by the U.S. , from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application.

For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S.ownership was obtained from France , which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain . The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Isabella.

The good queen, Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus ' expedition. Now the Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world.

Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana . God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it AND the FHA. I hope you find God's original claim to be satisfactory. Now, may we have our damn loan?"

He got the loan.

Yaya Jokes

> 1. Yaya buys food at McDo. > Crew: "Dito niyo na po ba kakainin?"
> Yaya: "Puwede sa table?"
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> 2. Kid: "Yaya look, boats!"
> Yaya: "Dows are not boats, dey're yachts."
> Kid: "Yaya, spell yachts?"
> Yaya: "Yor rayt, dey are boats."
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> 3. Woman carrying sick baby enters doctor's office.
> Doc: "Bottlefed?"
> Woman: " Breastfed po."
> (Doctors squeezes woman's breasts repeatedly)
> Doc: "Ayan ang problema, wala kang gatas, eh."
> Woman: "Yaya lang po ako doc! Yaya!"
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> 4. The eggs that yaya bought turned out to be rotten.
> She stormed back to the grocery and told the vendor:
> "Manong, ang baho ng itlog niyo!"
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> 5. My mom asked our yaya to buy Inquirer and Star.
> Our yaya came back and said: "Ma'am, wala pong Inquirer
> kaya bumili nalang po ako ng dalawang Star!"
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> 6. Yaya: "Huhuhu?"
> Ate: "O, bakit ka umiiyak?"
> Yaya: "Kasi ate ang dami kong pimples!"
> Ate: "Eh bakit ka ba tinitighiyawat? "
> Yaya: "Kasi po di ako makatulog sa gabi."
> Ate: "O, bakit ka di makatulog?"
> Yaya: "Kasi po may pinoproblema ako?"
> Ate: "Ano naman ang pinoproblema mo?"
> Yaya: "Kasi ate ang dami kong pimples!"
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> 7. (Earlier) Mom: "Yaya, lagay mo yung pesto sa ref!"
> (Later) Son: "Yaya, nakita mo PS2 ko?"
> Yaya: "Nasa ref, pinalagay ng mama mo!"
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> 8. Just now my maid burned a hole in my uniform.
> I angrily asked her, "Paano mo naman nasunog to?"
> She answered: "Secret!"
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> 9. After watching a movie, our yaya blurted out :
> "Ang pangit naman, happy ending!"
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> 10. Sir: "Yaya, gawa mo ko ng kape. Yung decaf ha!"
> Yaya: "Siyempre naman, alangan namang de-baso!"
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> 11. Mom: "Yaya, magluto ka na pag-alis ko ha!"
> Yaya: "Ano po lulutuin ko?"
> Mom: "It's up to you."
> (During dinner) Mom: "Yaya, bakit ketsup at tuyo ang ulam?"
> Yaya: "Diba nung tinanong ko kayo kung anong lulutuin ko,
> sabi niyo, 'kitsup tuyo'!"
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> 12. Our neighbor's yaya: "Junjun, chew your mouth!"
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> 13. Our yaya sa sari-sari store: "Miss isang Coke in can
> at isang Sprite na Coke in can?"
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> 14. SIR: "Inday, si sir mo to, nabangga kotse ko & I need cash!"
> INDAY: "Aru, dugo-dugo gang ka no?"
> SIR: "Gaga! Si sir mo talaga to!"
> INDAY: "Gago ka rin! Si sir ang tawag sa kin?kapkeyk? "
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> 15. I once asked my yaya where the Netherlands is located.
> She answered: "Diba dun nakatira si Peter Pan?"
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> 16. "O yaya, bakit ka umiiyak?"
> Yaya: "Ati, sabi kasi ng duktor, tatanggalan ako ng butlig!"
> Ate: "Eh yun lang pala eh! Bakit ka umiiyak?"
> Yaya: "Buti kung one lig lang, eh kung butlig, wala na kong ligs!"
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> 17. We saw our yaya staring intently at the orange juice bottle.
> Sabi namin: "Yaya, anong ginagawa mo?"
> Yaya: "Shhh! Nakalagay sa bote, 'concentrate' ?"
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> 18. Neighbor's yaya telling the dog to climb down the stairs:
> "Down to earth! Down to earth!"
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> 19. My mom was going to buy our yaya a transistor radio.
> Before my mom left the house, our yaya said,
> "Ma'am, ang kunin niyo yung Ilokano ang salita ha!"
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> 20. We paid for the tuition fee of our yaya's son.
> So one day I was reviewing him: "The Earth is the 3rd planet from
> the sun.
> Ano ang katabi ng Mercury?" His mom, our yaya, answered:
> "Parang Watson's yata?"
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> 21. Sir: "Yaya, natanggal mo yung mantsa sa barong ko?"
> Yaya: "Opo! Tanggal na tanggal!"
> Sir: "Good! Anong pinang-tanggal mo?"
> Yaya: "Gunting, kuya! Gunting!"
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> 22. Yaya to tricycle driver: "Magkano sa City Hall?"
> Driver: "Ikaw lang?" Yaya: "Ay bakit, hindi ka sasama?"
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> 23. (Si Kuya pumasok sa kuwarto ni Yaya)
> Kuya: "Yaya?"
> Yaya: "Koya, wag po! Wag Pooooo!"
> Kuya: "Gaga! Uutusan lang kita!"
> Yaya: "Si Koya naman?nagsa- suggest lang?"
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> 24. Kid: "Yaya, spell orange?"
> Yaya: "Depende. Yung kulay o yung prutas?"
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> 25. Midget Yaya who was newly hired:
> "Suwerte po kayo, ako ang napili niyo.
> At least kung maibagsak ko si baby, mababa lang!"
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> 26. Yaya to my brother: "Nag tothbrush ka na ng ipin?"
> Bro: "Siyempre, alangan namang mag toothbrush ako ng kilikili!"
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> 27. (after being scolded for breaking her promises):
> "Ma'am, hindi na po ako mangangako ulit?promise! "
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> 28. We had a yaya who claimed she was being courted by a kapre
> in her province and wanted to take her to his kingdom.
> Her reason for turning down the offer to be his queen?
> "Kapre yun ma'am, malaki ang kwan nun! Wag na uy!"
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> 29. AMO: "Bakit namatay ang aso?"
> MAID: "Pinaliguan ko po ng laundry soap."
> AMO: "Nakamamatay ba yun?"
> MAID: "Ewan ko nga po eh, pag-off ko ng washing machine patay na."
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> 30. Yaya picking up the phone saying: " Hilo ?"
> We noticed that she was holding the handset ng baligtad.
> We told her, "Yaya, baliktad!"
> Then Yaya said: "Lohi?"
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> 31. Amo: Yaya use COOLING PLACE in a sentence.
> Yaya: Sir! viry easy! iksample nagring yung phone,
> (ring, ring, ring,) Yaya answered, " HILO , WHO'S COOLING PLACE?"

Top 10 Reasons Why There Couldn't Be a Filipino-American US President

Top 10 Reasons Why There Couldn't Be a Filipino-American US President
By David Letterman

10. The White House is not big enough for in-laws and extended relatives.

9. There are not enough parking spaces at the White House for 2 Honda Civics, 2 Toyota Land Cruisers, 3 Toyota Corollas, a Mercedes Benz, a BMW , and an MPV (My Pinoy Van)

8. Dignitaries generally are intimidated by eating with their fingers at State dinners.

7. There are too many dining rooms in the White House - where will they put the picture of the Last Supper?

6. The White House walls are not big enough to hold a pair of giant wooden spoon and fork

5. Secret Service staff won't respond to 'psst... psst' or hoy.hoyhoy

4. Secret Service staff will not be comfortable driving the presidential car with a Holy Rosary hanging on the rear view mirror, or the statue of the Santo Nino on the dashboard.

3. No budget allocation to purchase a Karaoke music-machine for every room in the White House.

2. State dinners do not allow 'Take Home'.

AND THE NUMBER 1 REASON WHY THERE COULDN'T BE A FILIPINO-AMERICAN U.S. PRESIDENT IS...

1. Air Force One does not allow overweight Balikbayan boxes!

Good Topic, Bad Article

"A Treasure That the Philippines Must Have to Be Guided and Treasured Most"
by I.C.

MABUHAY. A Filipino term for "long live."

Despite of beauty, colors, and wealth of the Philippines, many of the Filipinos today could think that they can't feel these things (mostly our unfortunate brothers and sisters)... They will told you that they never think of what is patriotic or nationalistic... Instead, they will say "...we would so much to think our everyday needs for survival than of being patriotic..."

We cannot blame them... They never think of a Jose Rizal as they will think on a one peso coin much of him... They never think a Andres Bonifacio... A Francisco Balagtas... Or even can tell something about our rich history... This is not brought by ignorance... It is brought by poverty that took much of our society, centuries ago...

Even we, the learned Filipinos, the one who indulged to learn and be educated are unaware for the fact that we Filipinos have something to be proud of... We are so lucky to be send in schools and know about the land we are stepping right now... A country with millions of treasures, but are not buried under the soil... A treasure that we can hold on... And that is our very fare hope... and hope that we could see them to lead our nation in prosperity and greatness ones again... THE YOUTH.

Hope this message might mean for everybody... The Filipinos around the globe... teachers, soldiers, scholars, students, nurses, doctors, attorneys, and everybody... though a street vendor or a street sweeper... The nation of ours is great and we must turn the pages of our history in a way that the next generation will be proud of us and be benefited of what kind of new Filipinas will be a home for them...

Let the history's brave youth of our country serves as the model of our youth...

Tarik Soliman, the leader of the first ever Filipino battle with freedom as its cause... died at a very young age... a datu of Macabebe... dubbed as the bravest of the islands by the Spaniards and tagged as "the brave youth." And research shows that he was just 13 years of age when he fought and died in the famous Battle of Bangkusay...

Gen. Gregorio del Pilar... at a young age of 17, he joined the Katipunan... at the age of 19, he already experienced a bloody battle... at the age of 21, he became the first ever Filipino governor of Bulacan... and at the age of 22, he died for our country...

Emilio Jacinto... at the age of 19, he became one of the Katipunan's greatest leader... and at the age of 23, he died for our country...

Jose Rizal... the Philippine national hero... his undying and timeless works encircles the heart of every generation...

Hope that their memories may not fade...

Philippine Beauty Pageant Funny Q&A

Host : If you had a foreigner friend, where will you bring him to showcase
the beauty of the Philippines?
Girl Contestant : Bocaue.
Host : Bocaue. Why Bocaue? There are so many places in the Philippines? Why
Bocaue?
Girl : Because it's a magnificent place.
Host : Which part of Bocaue?
Girl : The Bocaue Rice Terraces.
_____

Host : What is your best feature?
Contestant : My graduation feature.
_____


Host : What is you favorite motto?
Contestant : If others can't, why can't I!
_____

Host : What would you like to say to foreigners?
Contestant : Please come back.
_____

Host : What is your typical day?
Contestant : I think Saturday po!
_____


Host : If you were to describe the color blue to a blind person, how would
you do it?'
Contestant : That's a very good question. Keep it up.
_____



Host : What is your edge over the other contestants?
Girl Contestant : My edge.... 23 years old.
_____

Host : What, in your opinion, is the ideal age for marriage?
Girl : Between 24 and 25!
_____

Host : How do you see yourself 10 years from now?
Girl : I'll be 28.
_____


Host : What is the biggest problem facing the youth today?
Girl : Drugs.
Host : Why?
Girl : Mahal eh!
_____

Host : What is the essence of being gay?
Contestant : I'm proud to be gay because what is naked is essential to the
eye!
_____

Host : What makes you blush?
Girl : Blush on!
_____

Host : What is the essence of a man?
Gay Contestant : Testicles!
_____

Host : Hey, I heard you almost didn't make it, how did you get here? Did you
ride or did you walk?
Gay Contestant : Of course, did you ride. What do you think of me, did you
walk???

When the Grass is Greener on the Other Side...

When grass seems greener in the other side of the fence...



you put sometimes your head too far to really prove it...

and when you realise that you went too far and it is difficult to go back down, please remember that...

Not everybody that appears around will help you!!!!!

Mindset