The Top Ten Stupid Answers To Game Show Questions by Sasha Purse
1. Blasphemous – Q: “Ano sa Tagalog ang teeth?” A: “Utong!”
2. Carlo of Taguig – Q: “Kung ang light ay ilaw, ano naman ang lightning?” A: “Umiilaw!”
3. Pancho – Q: “Kung vegetarian ang tawag sa kumakain ng gulay, ano ang tawag sa kumakain ng tao? A: “Humanitarian?”
4. Joan C – Q: “Sina Michael at Raphael ay mga…” A: “Ninja?”
5. Potpot/Simplyme – Q: “Ano ang karaniwang kasunod ng kidlat?” A: “Sunog!”
6. Arcueid – Q: “Magbigay ng sikat na Willie.” A: “Willie da pooh!”
7. Raimon – Q: “Ang mga Hindu ay galing sa aling bansa?” A: “Hindunesia?”
8. Bonnjeru – Q: “Anong hayop si King Kong?” A: “Pagong!”
9. MaudeEvans – Q: “Magbigay ng mabahong pagkain.” A: “Tae!”
10. Supertanker – Q: “Saang bansa matatagpuan ang mga Canadians?” A: “Canadia!”
11. RC & Cess – Q: “Kumpletuhin – Little Red…” A: “Ribbon!”
12. Jose de Vengenge – Q: “Ano ang tinatanggal sa itlog bago ito kainin?” A: “Buhok?”
13. Arcueid – Q: “Magbigay ng pagkain na dumidikit sa ngipin.” A: “Tinga!”
14. LilMaui – Q: “Anong oras kadalasang pinapatay ang TV?” A: “Pag balita?”
15. Katherine – Q: “Ano ang tawag mo sa anak ng taong grasa?” A: “Baby oil?”
16. RC & Cess – Q: “Saan karaniwang ginagawa ang mga sweets na ginagamit sa halu-halo?” A: “Sweetserland?”
17. RC & Cess – Q: “Sinong higanteng G ang tinalo ni David?” A: “Godzilla?”
18. LilRedShiningNips – Q: “Ano ang mas malaki, itlog ng ibon o sanggol ng tao?” A: “Itlog ng tao!”
19. Jose de Vengenge – Q: “Anong S ang tawag sa duktor nag nago-opera?” A: “Sadista?”
20. Ned – Q: “Blank is the best policy.” A: “Ice tea?”
21. Boc – Q: “Anong parte ng itlog ang masarap?” A: “Yung tangkay?”
22. Espeks – Q: “Saan binaril si Jose Rizal?” A: “Sa likod!”
23. No Angel – Q: “Fill in the blanks – Beauty is in the eye of the ____.” A: “Tiger?”
24. No name – Q: “Ano ang kinakain ng monkey-eating eagle?” A: “Saging!”
25. No name – Q: “Kung ang suka ay vinegar, ano naman ang Inggles ng toyo?” A: “Baliw!”
26. Kayee – Q: “Anong tawag mo sa kapatid ng nanay mo?” A: “Kamag-anak!”
27. Kid Bukid – Q: “Saan nakukuha ang sakit na AIDS?” A: “Sa motel?”
28. His Cuteness – Q: “Kung ang H2O ay water, ano naman ang CO2?” A: “Cold water!”
29. Katuray – Q: “Sinong cartoon charcater ang sumisigaw ng yabba dabba doo?” A: “Si scooby dooby doo?”
30. Loipogi – Q: “Heto na si kaka, bubuka-bukaka.” A: “Operadang bakla?”
31. litzkrieg – Q: “Ilan ang bituin sa American flag?” A: “Madami!”
32. Adakrab 14 – Q: “Ano ang tawag mo sa taong isa lang ang mata?” A: “Abnormal!”
Thursday, March 18, 2010
The Little Old Lady...
Defense Attorney:
Will you please state your age?
Little Old Lady:
I am 94 years old.
Defense Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Little Old Lady:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?
Little Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?
Little Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?
Little Old Lady:
No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Little Old Lady:
He began to rub my breasts.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him then?
Little Old Lady:
No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little Old Lady:
His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Little Old Lady:
Well, by then, I was feeling so 'spicy' that I just laid down and told him
'Take me, young man. Take me now! '
Defense Attorney:
Did he take you?
Little Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, ' April Fool! ' And that's when I shot him, the little bastard
Will you please state your age?
Little Old Lady:
I am 94 years old.
Defense Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Little Old Lady:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?
Little Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?
Little Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?
Little Old Lady:
No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Little Old Lady:
He began to rub my breasts.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him then?
Little Old Lady:
No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little Old Lady:
His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Little Old Lady:
Well, by then, I was feeling so 'spicy' that I just laid down and told him
'Take me, young man. Take me now! '
Defense Attorney:
Did he take you?
Little Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, ' April Fool! ' And that's when I shot him, the little bastard
Monday, March 8, 2010
Installing Husband Software
A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy
Dear Tech Support ,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 toHusband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3..0 and Golf 4.1 .
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed, ______ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________
Reply
DEAR Madam,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme. htmland try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband1.0should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5..
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default toSilence 2.5 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend: Cooking 3..0 and Hot Looks 7.7..
Good Luck Madam!
Dear Tech Support ,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 toHusband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3..0 and Golf 4.1 .
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed, ______ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________
Reply
DEAR Madam,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme. htmland try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband1.0should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5..
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default toSilence 2.5 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend: Cooking 3..0 and Hot Looks 7.7..
Good Luck Madam!
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