Yaya Jokes

> 1. Yaya buys food at McDo. > Crew: "Dito niyo na po ba kakainin?"
> Yaya: "Puwede sa table?"
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> 2. Kid: "Yaya look, boats!"
> Yaya: "Dows are not boats, dey're yachts."
> Kid: "Yaya, spell yachts?"
> Yaya: "Yor rayt, dey are boats."
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> 3. Woman carrying sick baby enters doctor's office.
> Doc: "Bottlefed?"
> Woman: " Breastfed po."
> (Doctors squeezes woman's breasts repeatedly)
> Doc: "Ayan ang problema, wala kang gatas, eh."
> Woman: "Yaya lang po ako doc! Yaya!"
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> 4. The eggs that yaya bought turned out to be rotten.
> She stormed back to the grocery and told the vendor:
> "Manong, ang baho ng itlog niyo!"
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> 5. My mom asked our yaya to buy Inquirer and Star.
> Our yaya came back and said: "Ma'am, wala pong Inquirer
> kaya bumili nalang po ako ng dalawang Star!"
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> 6. Yaya: "Huhuhu?"
> Ate: "O, bakit ka umiiyak?"
> Yaya: "Kasi ate ang dami kong pimples!"
> Ate: "Eh bakit ka ba tinitighiyawat? "
> Yaya: "Kasi po di ako makatulog sa gabi."
> Ate: "O, bakit ka di makatulog?"
> Yaya: "Kasi po may pinoproblema ako?"
> Ate: "Ano naman ang pinoproblema mo?"
> Yaya: "Kasi ate ang dami kong pimples!"
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> 7. (Earlier) Mom: "Yaya, lagay mo yung pesto sa ref!"
> (Later) Son: "Yaya, nakita mo PS2 ko?"
> Yaya: "Nasa ref, pinalagay ng mama mo!"
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> 8. Just now my maid burned a hole in my uniform.
> I angrily asked her, "Paano mo naman nasunog to?"
> She answered: "Secret!"
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> 9. After watching a movie, our yaya blurted out :
> "Ang pangit naman, happy ending!"
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> 10. Sir: "Yaya, gawa mo ko ng kape. Yung decaf ha!"
> Yaya: "Siyempre naman, alangan namang de-baso!"
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> 11. Mom: "Yaya, magluto ka na pag-alis ko ha!"
> Yaya: "Ano po lulutuin ko?"
> Mom: "It's up to you."
> (During dinner) Mom: "Yaya, bakit ketsup at tuyo ang ulam?"
> Yaya: "Diba nung tinanong ko kayo kung anong lulutuin ko,
> sabi niyo, 'kitsup tuyo'!"
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> 12. Our neighbor's yaya: "Junjun, chew your mouth!"
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> 13. Our yaya sa sari-sari store: "Miss isang Coke in can
> at isang Sprite na Coke in can?"
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> 14. SIR: "Inday, si sir mo to, nabangga kotse ko & I need cash!"
> INDAY: "Aru, dugo-dugo gang ka no?"
> SIR: "Gaga! Si sir mo talaga to!"
> INDAY: "Gago ka rin! Si sir ang tawag sa kin?kapkeyk? "
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> 15. I once asked my yaya where the Netherlands is located.
> She answered: "Diba dun nakatira si Peter Pan?"
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> 16. "O yaya, bakit ka umiiyak?"
> Yaya: "Ati, sabi kasi ng duktor, tatanggalan ako ng butlig!"
> Ate: "Eh yun lang pala eh! Bakit ka umiiyak?"
> Yaya: "Buti kung one lig lang, eh kung butlig, wala na kong ligs!"
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> 17. We saw our yaya staring intently at the orange juice bottle.
> Sabi namin: "Yaya, anong ginagawa mo?"
> Yaya: "Shhh! Nakalagay sa bote, 'concentrate' ?"
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> 18. Neighbor's yaya telling the dog to climb down the stairs:
> "Down to earth! Down to earth!"
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> 19. My mom was going to buy our yaya a transistor radio.
> Before my mom left the house, our yaya said,
> "Ma'am, ang kunin niyo yung Ilokano ang salita ha!"
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> 20. We paid for the tuition fee of our yaya's son.
> So one day I was reviewing him: "The Earth is the 3rd planet from
> the sun.
> Ano ang katabi ng Mercury?" His mom, our yaya, answered:
> "Parang Watson's yata?"
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> 21. Sir: "Yaya, natanggal mo yung mantsa sa barong ko?"
> Yaya: "Opo! Tanggal na tanggal!"
> Sir: "Good! Anong pinang-tanggal mo?"
> Yaya: "Gunting, kuya! Gunting!"
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> 22. Yaya to tricycle driver: "Magkano sa City Hall?"
> Driver: "Ikaw lang?" Yaya: "Ay bakit, hindi ka sasama?"
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> 23. (Si Kuya pumasok sa kuwarto ni Yaya)
> Kuya: "Yaya?"
> Yaya: "Koya, wag po! Wag Pooooo!"
> Kuya: "Gaga! Uutusan lang kita!"
> Yaya: "Si Koya naman?nagsa- suggest lang?"
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> 24. Kid: "Yaya, spell orange?"
> Yaya: "Depende. Yung kulay o yung prutas?"
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> 25. Midget Yaya who was newly hired:
> "Suwerte po kayo, ako ang napili niyo.
> At least kung maibagsak ko si baby, mababa lang!"
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> 26. Yaya to my brother: "Nag tothbrush ka na ng ipin?"
> Bro: "Siyempre, alangan namang mag toothbrush ako ng kilikili!"
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> 27. (after being scolded for breaking her promises):
> "Ma'am, hindi na po ako mangangako ulit?promise! "
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> 28. We had a yaya who claimed she was being courted by a kapre
> in her province and wanted to take her to his kingdom.
> Her reason for turning down the offer to be his queen?
> "Kapre yun ma'am, malaki ang kwan nun! Wag na uy!"
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> 29. AMO: "Bakit namatay ang aso?"
> MAID: "Pinaliguan ko po ng laundry soap."
> AMO: "Nakamamatay ba yun?"
> MAID: "Ewan ko nga po eh, pag-off ko ng washing machine patay na."
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> 30. Yaya picking up the phone saying: " Hilo ?"
> We noticed that she was holding the handset ng baligtad.
> We told her, "Yaya, baliktad!"
> Then Yaya said: "Lohi?"
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> 31. Amo: Yaya use COOLING PLACE in a sentence.
> Yaya: Sir! viry easy! iksample nagring yung phone,
> (ring, ring, ring,) Yaya answered, " HILO , WHO'S COOLING PLACE?"

Top 10 Reasons Why There Couldn't Be a Filipino-American US President

Top 10 Reasons Why There Couldn't Be a Filipino-American US President
By David Letterman

10. The White House is not big enough for in-laws and extended relatives.

9. There are not enough parking spaces at the White House for 2 Honda Civics, 2 Toyota Land Cruisers, 3 Toyota Corollas, a Mercedes Benz, a BMW , and an MPV (My Pinoy Van)

8. Dignitaries generally are intimidated by eating with their fingers at State dinners.

7. There are too many dining rooms in the White House - where will they put the picture of the Last Supper?

6. The White House walls are not big enough to hold a pair of giant wooden spoon and fork

5. Secret Service staff won't respond to 'psst... psst' or hoy.hoyhoy

4. Secret Service staff will not be comfortable driving the presidential car with a Holy Rosary hanging on the rear view mirror, or the statue of the Santo Nino on the dashboard.

3. No budget allocation to purchase a Karaoke music-machine for every room in the White House.

2. State dinners do not allow 'Take Home'.

AND THE NUMBER 1 REASON WHY THERE COULDN'T BE A FILIPINO-AMERICAN U.S. PRESIDENT IS...

1. Air Force One does not allow overweight Balikbayan boxes!